From the time I was born until August 16, 2009, I loved someone I thought I could never have so much love for. Shevette C. Chamber, my mom’s best friend was more like a sister to her. They had been friends since the fourth grade. I was my moms’ only child, our bond was unbreakable, I cherished every moment I had with her. From getting Mani’s and Pedi’s and going shopping to being there to talk when she was stressed about bills. I couldn’t picture anyone taking my place in my mom’s heart.
At 36, my mom seemed to be more depressed than she’s ever been. On August 15, 2009, my mom went to Springfield to visit an aunt. With the funny and close relationship her and Shevette had, my mom jokingly implied that Shevette should stay home until she got back from Springfield. Shevette laughed and said “girl get off my phone, I’m grown”. At 3a.m my mom received a phone call saying that Shevette had been shot. Because of the screaming and yelling through the phone, with no hesitation, my mom instantly packed her bags and headed back home to St. Louis. I was home with my uncle just waking up. Before I could brush my teeth or shower I got a phone call from my mom around 6:30a.m.Because I was so young, she didn’t want to speak to me nor did she want to tell me why she was crying. I suspiciously handed my uncle the phone. I noticed the miserable look on his face so out of curiosity, I kept asking him to tell me why my mother was crying. With disbelief, he had told me that Shevette, my second mom, the one that held the family together, was shot. Before I could say anything my mom called back to tell us that she was pulling up outside of our house. I walked outside into the cold, misty morning dew to see my moms’ Silver Impala filled with many of her heart broken , supportive friends. I opened the car door to see my mom sitting in the back seat because she was so sad that she couldn’t drive. To this day I can still picture her puffy red, heavy, teary eyes.
My mom insisted that I stay home while she went to the hospital to see her. I impatiently waited at home until further notice. I called my mom constantly to see if she had heard anything, I didn’t get an answer. I got on Facebook to pass time and I logged in to see a “R.I.P Shevette” post from one of my childhood friends. Knowing that my mom was born dramatic, I didn’t bother to engage into the depression. I didn’t know that the incident was critical I thought that maybe the bullet had left a small wound and she was just going to the hospital to get stitched up. I didn’t want to believe what I just read so I called a few family members to see if they heard. Still, I received no answer. By that time I was getting worried. I sat in my room alone thinking about everything that I just witnessed, the early morning phone calls, the sad look on my uncles face, the intense sobbing, the Facebook post , the ignored phone calls. All the signs were there. It hit me. She was gone.
The beginning of my new life consisted of mourning, sorrow and unforgettable memories. After Shevette passed my mom felt as if she was obligated to take care of Shevette’s 3 children; Markeke, Markeyia and Markesean. Shevette was all they ever had. She loved her children unconditionally and was willing to do anything for them. Months after grieving, Markesean’s dad and my mom agreed that he was now stable enough take his son into his own care. Although, My mom loved Markesean like he was a child of her own, they both can agree that taking care of 1 out of the 3 was a weight lifted off of her shoulders. Markeke and Markeyia’s dads lived separate lives. No communication with them, no phone calls or visitations or anything. They had families of their own and focused on other things. They lived as if nothing ever happened. Douglass points out “I am strongly tempted to give the names of two or three of those little boys, as a testimonial of gratitude and affection I bear them; but prudence forbids; not that it would injure me but embarrass them.” Like Douglass, I too would rather not mention their names. Not that it would be harmful towards me but it would embarrass them.
It was hard for me to adjust to my new life. I was no longer the spoiled, only child, that got everything I wanted. I was forced to share my life with two other children. At 12 years old, I was the most selfish and self-centered person that I’ve ever known. I hated that I had to share my toys, I hated that I had to even share the same breath of air with them. I cried when I didn’t get my way, it was longer I “we can go here because you want to” it was “No, Kaniya we have all agree on something”. Like Douglass’s mistress, I was once kind hearted then suddenly one incident changed me completely. “When I went there, she was pious, warm, and tender-hearted woman. There was no room for sorrow or suffering for which she had not a tear. She had bread for the hungry, clothes for the naked, and comfort for ever mourner that came within her reach.” My selfish ways started to embarrass my mother’s character. Everything I did reflected my mother’s actions on how she raised me. I always dreamt of what it felt like to have siblings, I finally got a taste of my own medicine.
September 10, 2009 is when everyone began to notice my over dramatic selfish ways. September 7,2009 is Markeyia’s birthday , being that my mom was now her only provider, she wanted to make sure that Markeyia got the best gift she ever wanted ; a pink mountain bike. September 10,2009 was my 13th birthday, 3 days away from Markeyia’s. Markeyia got a pink bike so I figured that I would get something better. My mom pulled me into her room and explained that she couldn’t get me anything because she wanted to make sure Markeyia got everything she wished for. This was the 2nd worst day of my life; Douglass mentions “I found myself regretting my own existence, and wishing myself dead”. Like Douglass, I was eager for some information. He wanted to read and write and I wanted siblings. Again, like Douglass, I regret ever wishing for this.
2 years after the new adjustments something came over me. I surprisingly began to enjoy having siblings. I loved the company they brought and going through little things that siblings went through. It was August 2011, Markeke, Markeyia, my mom and I all went school shopping. While being in the car, we started to reminisce. We spoke about how much we missed Shevette and how life would be different. Conversations later, I was still thinking about her. I could still remember how she laughed when she saw my hair for crazy hair day at school. Her eyes were glossy and her smile lit up the room. Her hugs made me melt and her love had no limits. I started to think to myself, how I could treat people that I was once loved with some much hatred. I began thinking what it would be like if it was the other way around; if my mom passed and I lived with Shevette. I immediately smiled. Shevette was spontaneous and adventurous and so were her children. I knew her children would have never treated me how I treated them. I regret my actions and wishful thinking’s about not existing. I now treat everyone how I want to be treated regardless of their situation.
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