"Acceptance" by Student G.

When I was in the seventh grade, I was diagnosed with Epilepsy. Epilepsy is a brain disorder that causes seizures. I was told this at Children's Hospital in St. Louis. They quickly prescribed medication to me. I kind of scared my classmates, friends, and family but it didn't scare me really, because I didn't accept it. I was told things I can do and things I can't do, but I didn't listen. I acted like it would go away in a couple years. My best friend Rachel was always worried about me. She took care of me the most. When I went into high school, I basically kept this a secret from everyone except two friends that went to grade school with me. I was told I couldn't play any heavy contact sports, but all four years in high school I played rugby. Surprisingly I got hit in the head a few times but I got back up and kept playing. No one on the team knew about my condition. Until April came.

In April, 2010 I had two seizures. One of them happened the day before a rugby tournament. That day the team freaked out a little and found out that I'm epileptic. After the second seizure which was few days after the first one, I kind of went insane. I felt depression in me. I felt that my life was broken and felt what's the point to go on. As Frederick Douglass recalls "I often found myself regretting my own existence and wishing myself dead." He described himself as a slave for life. I described myself broken. I tried committing suicide twice. The first time was a complete fail. The second time I tried hanging myself at a friend's house. Before it was about to happen, Rachel stopped me by knocking me down. She told me just because my life is damaged that doesn't mean it's broken forever. It still works. You need to move forward. So I did and I started by accepting the fact I have epilepsy and I need to take it more serious that there's always hope. Just like Frederick Douglass points out "I consoled myself with the hope that I should one day find a good chance." Douglass is mostly saying that one day he wouldn't be a slave anymore and that he would be a free man. I too believe someday I will no longer have epilepsy.

I returned from home to school from my absence and recovery. After every seizure my doctor would upgrade my dose of the medication. That would happen I would be taking it easy for a few days. When I returned to school my rugby coach Pat Fogarty, was worried about me. He always kept an eye on his players but a closer eye on me. He allowed me to stay on the team, but he does not want me to get hurt or have a seizure during a game or practice. The rugby team to me was a just a team at first, but later I realized it is more like a brotherhood. We always had each other’s back. They made sure I was ok. One day after a game I had a seizure; a couple of them carried me off the field. That made me realized I'm not alone in this fight. I kept fighting mostly for Rachel. She changed me really. She saved my life. We weren't just really friends we're more like brother and sister. She always supported me through every time I was in pain. She changed me to the person I am today.

Now my epileptic seizures come and go. It only happens twice a year during the spring/summer. Maybe a little aftermath pain too, because it takes time to adjust to the new higher dose of my medication. Frederick Douglass once said "It was the everlasting thinking of my condition that tormented me." He talked about his slavery and how thinking about it hurts him and more. Well that did it for me. My everlasting thinking wasn't really me thinking about my condition. It was really how every day I have to take large doses of medication, every time I see my doctor, and every time a friend or a family member asks me about it. It was a constant reminder. The number one question I'm always asked is "Grant how painful are your seizures?" I always reply that the pain doesn't come from the seizure itself, it comes from living with it. It reminds me that I'm limited. But I'm ok with that because I'm adaptable and I always look forward now. The hardest I had ever learned is acceptance.