Fredrick Douglass wrote in his autobiography, “I was now about twelve years old, and the thought of being a slave for life began to bear heavily on my heart.” I too was in despair, filled with the thought of being dependent on others for the rest of my life going through disappointments. In 1985, I started growing into manhood. I decided that I wanted a better life. I felt that living in Saint Louis was holding me back from having a better job, apartment, car, and a better lifestyle. I felt that I needed to relocate and start over and escape the depression I gained from worrying about family members like my aunt Olivia, who had developed a bad cough and schizophrenia, and my grandmother who was hording, losing her things, and also had a touch of schizophrenia. I needed to focus on a better life. I needed to leave that which I was emotionally attached to. This was the beginning of my hardest lesson in making the decision to be a self-sufficient young man.
It was 75 degrees in Saint Louis at 5:30 am when I got on the highway that Sunday. Four hours later, forty miles outside of Kansas City, Missouri, I drove into a blizzard bad enough to beat hell back. I made it through without a problem, although I was driving a 1979 Plymouth Horizon. The first part in the hardest lesson to become self-sufficient came when I moved into my brother‘s house. After four months of living with my brother I began working as a welder, just hired and on probation. One morning I was on my way to work when I developed a flat tire. I called my brother and asked him to take me to work, which he did; although; It took him two hours to get me there. The job was 20 minutes away from the highway. Needless to say, I lost that job. This made me realize that my brother could not be depended on during important times. I realized that I needed a backup plan for getting myself to important places on time. The plan, as it turned out was to have more than one mode of transportation: bus, bike, and car.
Kansas City, Kansas, when I first arrived there, in September, 1986, was a bit of a slow moving country-like city, where it seemed that everyone drove around in a pickup truck, blowing their horns on every corner at people they knew. Everything outside looked as though it needed to be washed. The smell of the city was like dust because it hadn’t rained in a while. Public transportation ran though the city once every hour but not on the weekends. In 1987, I took a job as a maintenance man and received a free apartment with furnished utilities. A month later I started a second job as a welder. I was feeling pretty good about myself, until what I call my third and most valuable lesson in becoming self-sufficient. I had met the most attractive woman while I was working as the maintenance man for a company that owned al lot of townhouses located in the rural area of Kansas City, Kansas. Her name was Ruby Washington. She was a 26 year old secretary. Ruby stood 5’9” tall and weighed about 150 lbs. Ruby had very nice curves and a professional look. She spoke like she was raised some of her life in Arkansas and went to school in the mid-west.
Things were going well with us for a year and a half. We moved in to a better townhouse, we were both working for better companies, and we both drove the same model Chevrolet Monte Carlo. She drove the silver with burgundy interior Limited Edition; while I drove a burgundy sport model with 1/3 white leather top, duel chrome tail pipes, chrome wheels, and sport tires with raised white letters. Things were going pretty well until her father started coming around our apartment and saw how nice things were.
Ruby’s father was called “Wash”. Wash had a lot of kids whose ages ranged from seven to forty, and most were very immature. At the time, Wash was 62 years old and a very big guy about 340 pounds at 6’2” tall. He owned a pickup truck and a van he purchased while working at GM for over 25 years, and he always dressed in bib blue jean coveralls. He and his wife, who happened to be his ex-wife’s daughter, and their three children, and her four sisters and brothers, lived in a wooden western-style house.
Wash would come to our apartment to visit his daughter. This gave her the opportunity to act like daddy’s little girl and start practicing her whining skills, which gave her father the opportunity to play the protector and say things like, “what are you with this boy for, what do you want with someone who brings you down, don’t you know you can do bad all by yourself?” Eventually, things started getting bad, as if her father planted a suggestion in her head and it took effect. I don’t know what motivates a person to undermine another’s relationship but it happens as it did to me back then.
The second part of my hardest lesson in becoming self-sufficient came when I lost the 1979 Chevrolet Monte Carlo. I had been making every payment on time. But Ruby was a co-owner also on the purchase agreement, who got mad at me for something silly and stayed mad for no more than fifteen minutes. She called the dealership and told them that she couldn’t guarantee that the next payment would be made on time. She suggested they come get the car immediately, which they did do immediately after they ended the conversation. Soon afterward, I went to get into my car and leave for work, but the car was gone. After questioning Ruby I found out what had happened. I ended up losing over three thousand dollars because Ruby, the co-owner, got angry at me for fifteen minutes. Now whenever I make a purchase it’s in my name only, no co-owner will be involved.
Fredrick Douglass recalled that the pieces of the puzzle that would lead him to accomplish his goals came to him in small and sometimes large amounts of information. “The light broke in on me by degrees… They both advised me to run away to the north; that I should find friends there; and that I should be free.” Just as Fredrick Douglass slowly understood what he needed to do, I learned to be self-sufficient; the reason came to me after one disappointment followed another. Of course, over time in my life things have changed from bad to good and continue back and forth until I had learned to develop a strategy to stabilize my life. The most important action in accomplishing this goal was to develop an understanding of what led to the problems I was having. It appeared that I was depending on family and friends as a safety net.
In some cases reading has solved the problem by enhancing my comprehension. When I didn’t have money for food I learned how to fish by reading. When I didn’t have money for an auto mechanic I learned to do preventive maintenance on my car and my bike through reading. Like Fredrick Douglass, reading has enhanced my life by giving me the ability to understand my situation and develop a way to neutralize a problem before I become depressed. Having the ability to read and comprehend has provided me with better opportunities like better paying jobs and a free higher education.
Fredrick Douglass recalled the struggle it took him to accomplish his goal. “Thus after a long tedious effort for years, I finally succeeded in learning how to write.” I also struggled through loss, for years learning why I shouldn’t depend on others to have my back in case I couldn’t accomplish something on my own. By 1995, and after many years of determination I am finally self-reliant. I’m earning $60,000 a year. I own a convertible sports car and a large black sport utility vehicle, and I live in a luxury townhouse apartment; all without a co-signer or co-owner.
Friday, July 25, 2014
"Learning to Think Before I Act" by Student R.
My first lesson in thinking before I act came when I was twelve. We lived on Greer Avenue on the Westside of St Louis Mo. I stayed with my mom and brother at the time, free from responsibility but I never fully realized how sweet I had it until I got locked up for the first time.
It was September 16, 1994. It was a sunny day. I remember this day so vividly because it was my younger brother’s birthday. I was supposed to pick him up after school and take him home so that we could go to Six Flags. After picking up my brother we were walking down Belt Street, which was around the corner from our house. I had a gun on my waist because we were in gangs at this time. The gun fell down my pant leg. Eventually, I had to stop and put it back on my waist. While doing so somebody must have seen me because by the time we got down the street the police were surrounding us from every angle. Luckily I had time to put the gun across the street under my jacket before they pulled up. When I asked the police why they were bothering us they replied we got an anonymous tip that there was some kids walking down the street with a gun and that we fit the description, which was funny to me because my brother and I had on the exact same thing. I got locked up and they let my brother go home. This was my first time going to jail and my first taste of the loss of freedom, but surely not my last.
I sat in jail a little over a month. I was finally released because of false testimony. That was a blessing in disguise because that little time in jail was one of the worst months of my life. Jail was no fun while in there, it made me respect my freedom a lot more. Officers were saying things to me like, I'm never going home, I'll never see my family again basically trying to scare me. I didn't know any better so it worked. After being released I said I would cherish every minute of every day.
Through the years I've learned to think before I act. For example, if one of my cousins pulled up and asked me to go stealing with him I would think of the consequences first. Is it worth it, whose going to take care of my family if I get caught, or just simply do I want to go back to jail today. That kept me out of trouble for a while.
In 2007, thirteen years later, I ended up catching another weapons charge. I was sentenced to twelve years and had to do a minimum of five before I'd be eligible for parole. This is when I really learned my lesson in thinking before I act. I was taken away from my family and sent to a penitentiary in Charleston Mo. which is a level five maximum security institution. At this time I was twenty-five with a wife and three year old son. Times were already hard because my son was born prematurely and his mother needed my help. I'd just found out my mom was fighting breast cancer, but my mom tried to make it a little easier. We made a pact, that if I took care of myself while inside she'd take care on the outside.
While incarcerated my wife came to see me a lot. You could tell this was starting to get to her. In Douglass's autobiography he remembers "She at first lack the depravity indispensable to shutting me up in mental darkness". My situation was similar because, after coming so far so long not being able to touch your loved one the evilness starts to come without notice. When I first got sent away she was there through thick and thin sweet, kind, loving, just waiting for me to come home. Douglass also shows the kindness of his mistress "My mistress was, as I have said, a kind and tenderhearted woman". I can relate to this because my wife was the same way at first. Coming to see me just started to get to her I guess because I'd been gone so long.
I had to do something to keep busy and my mind occupied. So I decided to get my G.E.D. this was going to be a challenge because no one in my family graduated. In his autobiography Douglass points out "During this time, I succeeded in learning to read and write. In accomplishing this I was compelled to resort to various stratagems." I had to find different ways of studying and finding people willing to help wasn't easy. At times I had to use canteen to get the help I needed. You have to use any means necessary to get what you need.
I had to learn ways to get around things because if not I would have stayed in trouble. Guards and inmates tried to provoke you to putting your hands on them. Some inmates are never going home, so they want you to stay with them. The guards act like you are the lowest scum on earth. They tell you when to get up, bang on your doors and talk to you like you are a kid. This makes you so mad at times hurts your feelings but you can't do anything because you are trying to go home. I remember a time when I was going on a visit to see my wife, they talked to me so bad, saying: “Why would anyone come see you she must not be anyone ether, only a dumb person would come all this way to see a bum.” I started finding ways to stay out there faces, exercising, taking classes, and playing cards I got good time and the parole board release me.
When I came home I had a new outlook on life. I started spending more time with my wife and son, quit the gangs and got in school. Before I went to jail I was living day by day, now I'm living better my future. I didn't have any goals at first but now I have to set a way for myself and my son so that he doesn't make the mistakes I did. A simple thing like not thinking before you act can take your life from you in a blink of an eye.
It was September 16, 1994. It was a sunny day. I remember this day so vividly because it was my younger brother’s birthday. I was supposed to pick him up after school and take him home so that we could go to Six Flags. After picking up my brother we were walking down Belt Street, which was around the corner from our house. I had a gun on my waist because we were in gangs at this time. The gun fell down my pant leg. Eventually, I had to stop and put it back on my waist. While doing so somebody must have seen me because by the time we got down the street the police were surrounding us from every angle. Luckily I had time to put the gun across the street under my jacket before they pulled up. When I asked the police why they were bothering us they replied we got an anonymous tip that there was some kids walking down the street with a gun and that we fit the description, which was funny to me because my brother and I had on the exact same thing. I got locked up and they let my brother go home. This was my first time going to jail and my first taste of the loss of freedom, but surely not my last.
I sat in jail a little over a month. I was finally released because of false testimony. That was a blessing in disguise because that little time in jail was one of the worst months of my life. Jail was no fun while in there, it made me respect my freedom a lot more. Officers were saying things to me like, I'm never going home, I'll never see my family again basically trying to scare me. I didn't know any better so it worked. After being released I said I would cherish every minute of every day.
Through the years I've learned to think before I act. For example, if one of my cousins pulled up and asked me to go stealing with him I would think of the consequences first. Is it worth it, whose going to take care of my family if I get caught, or just simply do I want to go back to jail today. That kept me out of trouble for a while.
In 2007, thirteen years later, I ended up catching another weapons charge. I was sentenced to twelve years and had to do a minimum of five before I'd be eligible for parole. This is when I really learned my lesson in thinking before I act. I was taken away from my family and sent to a penitentiary in Charleston Mo. which is a level five maximum security institution. At this time I was twenty-five with a wife and three year old son. Times were already hard because my son was born prematurely and his mother needed my help. I'd just found out my mom was fighting breast cancer, but my mom tried to make it a little easier. We made a pact, that if I took care of myself while inside she'd take care on the outside.
While incarcerated my wife came to see me a lot. You could tell this was starting to get to her. In Douglass's autobiography he remembers "She at first lack the depravity indispensable to shutting me up in mental darkness". My situation was similar because, after coming so far so long not being able to touch your loved one the evilness starts to come without notice. When I first got sent away she was there through thick and thin sweet, kind, loving, just waiting for me to come home. Douglass also shows the kindness of his mistress "My mistress was, as I have said, a kind and tenderhearted woman". I can relate to this because my wife was the same way at first. Coming to see me just started to get to her I guess because I'd been gone so long.
I had to do something to keep busy and my mind occupied. So I decided to get my G.E.D. this was going to be a challenge because no one in my family graduated. In his autobiography Douglass points out "During this time, I succeeded in learning to read and write. In accomplishing this I was compelled to resort to various stratagems." I had to find different ways of studying and finding people willing to help wasn't easy. At times I had to use canteen to get the help I needed. You have to use any means necessary to get what you need.
I had to learn ways to get around things because if not I would have stayed in trouble. Guards and inmates tried to provoke you to putting your hands on them. Some inmates are never going home, so they want you to stay with them. The guards act like you are the lowest scum on earth. They tell you when to get up, bang on your doors and talk to you like you are a kid. This makes you so mad at times hurts your feelings but you can't do anything because you are trying to go home. I remember a time when I was going on a visit to see my wife, they talked to me so bad, saying: “Why would anyone come see you she must not be anyone ether, only a dumb person would come all this way to see a bum.” I started finding ways to stay out there faces, exercising, taking classes, and playing cards I got good time and the parole board release me.
When I came home I had a new outlook on life. I started spending more time with my wife and son, quit the gangs and got in school. Before I went to jail I was living day by day, now I'm living better my future. I didn't have any goals at first but now I have to set a way for myself and my son so that he doesn't make the mistakes I did. A simple thing like not thinking before you act can take your life from you in a blink of an eye.
"My Life Story" by Student M.
A young boy I had a difficult problem to learn how to read and write. I didn't have people to sit down with me to help me with homework. I had to learn how to read and write. I needed to learn how to understand and break down my words. I always was a person that stayed to myself. I was afraid to ask for help thinking I will get yelled at.
I never fully realized how my education in life was very important. I really look back when I was in middle school running the halls. I was not getting an education or learning how to read and write. I was not thinking that I was missing out on education. Skipping class, school, not doing homework, class assignments and not giving my teacher attention teacher is something’s I regret the most. When I always told her I am doing my work; I was not because I was asleep or talking. When I was not at school I was at my friend’s house. I was looking at TV, on the phone or trying to make some money selling drugs on the corner. Since I was trying to be down with my friends, be cool, selling drugs and running from the police affected my learning. I walked around starting stuff with people that I didn’t know calling them bad names like fat, big head, and stupid.
My friends and I where at school we would sneak out the back door of the school and go on different busses to get to the mall and I always think back when people call me names like dumb, stupid or said things to me like “you would never make it in life”. It wasn’t a moment when I wasn’t thinking that someone was calling me names behind my back. Douglass wrote a biography on what different ways he had to learn how to read, and write. Douglass showed me how education was very important and understanding.
I finally finished middle school then I went to Beaumont High School. I was getting in trouble so the principle expelled me from school because I was not going to my classes. I went back up to school to talk to the principal to see if I could get back in school. I started going to class but I started hanging out with the wrong people so I got put back out. I had to go to the Board of Education to see what schools were available for me. I enrolled into Gateway High School. I intend to get a lot of help with my school work. I went home every day doing all of my homework. I Turned in all of my class work and understood all of the class work that my teacher was giving to me.
My teacher always told me “never give up and Start setting goals that you can meet. I won't you to finish going to school get your degree. You can make some good money.” My teacher told me I will miss you. I graduated from Gateway high school. The school held the graduation at Roosevelt high school. I was very excited to graduate from high school. I saw my teacher again for the last time. I took it very hard looking at my teacher as family. I didn’t want to cry even knowing it was a very happy thankful moment. I had to man up and try to hold it in then a tear fell shortly on the floor. I was not able to hide it behind that smile I had on my face glowing.
I started attending college a few months later. In my first semester I started taking four classes. I was starting to feel overwhelmed. I didn’t have much time to get the homework done on time. I started getting bad grades so I had to withdraw from Reading Improvement, and Math. I was able to pass the last two which were smart start and English 020. My second semester I am trying to get all of work and the different assignments done. I learned that your education is valuable. To get the importance and understanding of reading and writing. I will always try my best. To become an Auto mechanic I know I have to pass all of my classes. As of today I take my education more seriously. I will work harder, be on time and listen more to achieve all of my goals.
I never fully realized how my education in life was very important. I really look back when I was in middle school running the halls. I was not getting an education or learning how to read and write. I was not thinking that I was missing out on education. Skipping class, school, not doing homework, class assignments and not giving my teacher attention teacher is something’s I regret the most. When I always told her I am doing my work; I was not because I was asleep or talking. When I was not at school I was at my friend’s house. I was looking at TV, on the phone or trying to make some money selling drugs on the corner. Since I was trying to be down with my friends, be cool, selling drugs and running from the police affected my learning. I walked around starting stuff with people that I didn’t know calling them bad names like fat, big head, and stupid.
My friends and I where at school we would sneak out the back door of the school and go on different busses to get to the mall and I always think back when people call me names like dumb, stupid or said things to me like “you would never make it in life”. It wasn’t a moment when I wasn’t thinking that someone was calling me names behind my back. Douglass wrote a biography on what different ways he had to learn how to read, and write. Douglass showed me how education was very important and understanding.
I finally finished middle school then I went to Beaumont High School. I was getting in trouble so the principle expelled me from school because I was not going to my classes. I went back up to school to talk to the principal to see if I could get back in school. I started going to class but I started hanging out with the wrong people so I got put back out. I had to go to the Board of Education to see what schools were available for me. I enrolled into Gateway High School. I intend to get a lot of help with my school work. I went home every day doing all of my homework. I Turned in all of my class work and understood all of the class work that my teacher was giving to me.
My teacher always told me “never give up and Start setting goals that you can meet. I won't you to finish going to school get your degree. You can make some good money.” My teacher told me I will miss you. I graduated from Gateway high school. The school held the graduation at Roosevelt high school. I was very excited to graduate from high school. I saw my teacher again for the last time. I took it very hard looking at my teacher as family. I didn’t want to cry even knowing it was a very happy thankful moment. I had to man up and try to hold it in then a tear fell shortly on the floor. I was not able to hide it behind that smile I had on my face glowing.
I started attending college a few months later. In my first semester I started taking four classes. I was starting to feel overwhelmed. I didn’t have much time to get the homework done on time. I started getting bad grades so I had to withdraw from Reading Improvement, and Math. I was able to pass the last two which were smart start and English 020. My second semester I am trying to get all of work and the different assignments done. I learned that your education is valuable. To get the importance and understanding of reading and writing. I will always try my best. To become an Auto mechanic I know I have to pass all of my classes. As of today I take my education more seriously. I will work harder, be on time and listen more to achieve all of my goals.
"The Lesson I’ve Learned" by Student W.
The hardest lessons I’ve learned is that I have to be educated and have the knowledge to understand how to succeed in life. I learned this when I was a freshman at McCluer High School. It can be very emotional when I realize I’m not able to recognize, explain, assist, or even response to individuals when asked a question. Now days’ people observe your character and knowledge. Fredrick Douglass observes that he regretted not having the knowledge or well-being of education, and often recalled that he should have killed himself. “I often found myself regretting my own existence, and wishing myself dead; and but for the hope of being free, I have no doubt but that I should have killed myself, or done something for which I should have been killed.” The irony of education can be overwhelming and painful. I can relate to Douglass because in the past I thought of committing suicide; I was stressed and overwhelmed when I didn’t know or understand something.
My mother, Lucy, always reminded us that, “In order for you to be successful in life you have to have an education background (Degrees or High School Diploma) and knowledge to get where you want to be in life.” At the time I wanted to do a lot. I wanted to be a doctor, culinary arts, chef, and a model. She recalled, “So what are you going to achieve to get the career you want in the future?” I replied I’m going to graduate from high school and go to college. My mom described in five words: hardworking, loving, strong, and supportive. Her character was open and she received whoever was in her presence. When she smiled it was like the sun had risen on a dark night, as if an angel approached shinning bright; she lit the world with her beauty. If you meet my mother she’ll greet you with happiness and defend your well-being like your family. This woman smelled like delicate flowers from Jesus’s garden. To be honest I’m a spitting image of her; we think and act similar.
For me McCluer High School was entertaining, fun, and tough at the same time. I used to joke around all the time in the hallways and classrooms. I did my work but often got side-tracked a lot and influenced to do negative things. I never fully realized that I wasted my brain and energy on negative and non-sense in school. For instance, I had a teacher, Mr. Friburguer, he was mean a hard philosopher, loud, weird, and no fool to education; he took his class very seriously. One day I was in Chemistry class conversing with my friend Jasmine while Mr. Friburger was giving a lecture. He asked me repeatedly to stop talking and pay attention; I laughed and started back talking with Jasmine like nothing was ever said to me; the words that came out his mouth went in one ear and out the other ear. Mr. Friburger then yelled at me annoyed and angry, “shut up or leave my classroom this instance” The classmates laughed at him and he told me to leave and report to the office; as I walked out he said “I’m sending a referral to the office.” I did not report to the office; I went to second lunch and saw some friends crowed around the bleachers.
I went to grab something to eat and decided that I wasn’t going to attend the rest of my classes. My friend Kayla came up to me and said, “You want to skip class and go get stoned?” Yes I replied, “Got to relieve some stress right now because my teacher just pissed me off.” I wanted to get out of this boring and lame school. Kayla got in her 2004 red Mustang, and started it up; she pulled off fast and sneaky so we wouldn’t get caught. I was driving behind the school getting high as a kite. I spotted a McDonalds. I order three burgers, two large fries, and two large drinks. I pulled up and paid for our food; as soon as I she gave us our food we was trying to bash it, so I pulled in a parking spot and starting eating. After we were done eating I realized that I had my last test in Chemistry worth hundred points; my grade was barely above a C. That day I made some terrible choices; I knew if I didn’t complete that test my grade was going to drop, but I went on doing me and did what I wanted to do.
I did not want to fail my class because it would have affected me not becoming a sophomore next year. What I did was going to my teacher Mr. Friburger the next day and apologizes for my wrong and asks for forgiveness. He responded, “I’m disappointed with your choices and actions because they don’t turn out well when you behave and disrupt my class while I’m trying to teach and develop your knowledge so that you can be successful in the future.” He said, “People make mistakes and life to learn from their actions but I’m proud of you for coming to me and owning up to what you did.” He suggested that I stay after and take the test to earn my hundred points that I missed. So I did and earned eighty percent on my test and my score moved my grade up to a B. Douglass remembers that every opportunity he got he took advantage of it to improve his ability to read. “I was now about twelve years old, and the thought of being a slave for life began to bear heavily upon my heart. Just about this time, I got hold of a book entitle, “The Columbian Orator”. Every opportunity I got, I used to read this book.” As a young woman at the age of fourteen, I related to him because in life I felt that every opportunity I had I took advantage of. For example, I had to take my test over; it was valuable to me because I knew if I took it and scored well I was passing the 9th grade.
I did a one eighty and realized what I was doing was going to lead me to destruction and down a bad trip to nowhere. Douglass remarks sorrowfully that he will be a slave for life because he’s owned by his evil slave master; but will hopefully be free in the future. The article implicates that Fredrick Douglass points out that, “You will be free as soon as you are twenty-one, but I am a slave for life! These words use to trouble them; they would express for me liveliest sympathy, and console me with the hope that something would occur by which I might be free.” Even though I never pushed myself as hard as I should to improve my own education, I still felt that I was a slave to the evil spirit because I did things I shouldn’t have done and I was not as knowledge as others students. I can relate to him because I was a slave of the devil. I was a slave to society because I choose to drink, smoke, curse, and was judgmental to people; you living sinfully can hurt you on judgment day. I always tell myself don’t be a slave to society but be a human-being with knowledge and skills of education. Douglass is a slave because he had no choice but today people do and I realize that.
I changed my life dramatically sophomore year. School was still difficult and temptation still hunted me; I had to look passed that and do better with my life because I had little brothers and sister that look up to me as a role model. I followed these steps that I still had until this day in my journal from years ago to be successful in school and staying on the right path. I avoided loosing friends that encourages me to do right and drop the ones who were doing negative things. I kept a smile on my face and didn’t act tough. I threw away all my clothes that reminded me of the old me and started changing on the new me. Old me use to drink, smoke, and lived sinfully. I didn’t become a nerd but I paid attention in class, did my homework and classwork, stay after if I didn’t understand something or asked the teacher, and kept my grades above a D. I was prepared in every class and organized. I didn’t smoke marijuana as much as I did and cut down on partying every day; I only partied on weekends where I didn’t have to worry about me having a hangover or not feeling well to attend school. I studied for test. I stopped skipping classes. I started to read a little more.
One thing I noticed about students was that they didn’t keep their cool but I did. I knew If I was to get stressed I would want to smoke right then and there; I kept my cool to maintain and focus on school. Douglass acknowledges that after a long period of years, he finally succeeded in learning how to write. “Thus, after a long, tedious effort for years, I finally succeeded in learning how to write.” I can relate to him because I finally succeeded in learning, improving my abilities, skills of learning and doing what I was supposed to do; I graduated from high school and went to college to further my education. He showed me that life is not always perfect; it’s challenging but helpful at the end of your goal. People need to understand nothing is going to be handed to you you have to go out and get it to be successful in life; our knowledge and ability of education is very powerful and beneficial in this world.
My mother, Lucy, always reminded us that, “In order for you to be successful in life you have to have an education background (Degrees or High School Diploma) and knowledge to get where you want to be in life.” At the time I wanted to do a lot. I wanted to be a doctor, culinary arts, chef, and a model. She recalled, “So what are you going to achieve to get the career you want in the future?” I replied I’m going to graduate from high school and go to college. My mom described in five words: hardworking, loving, strong, and supportive. Her character was open and she received whoever was in her presence. When she smiled it was like the sun had risen on a dark night, as if an angel approached shinning bright; she lit the world with her beauty. If you meet my mother she’ll greet you with happiness and defend your well-being like your family. This woman smelled like delicate flowers from Jesus’s garden. To be honest I’m a spitting image of her; we think and act similar.
For me McCluer High School was entertaining, fun, and tough at the same time. I used to joke around all the time in the hallways and classrooms. I did my work but often got side-tracked a lot and influenced to do negative things. I never fully realized that I wasted my brain and energy on negative and non-sense in school. For instance, I had a teacher, Mr. Friburguer, he was mean a hard philosopher, loud, weird, and no fool to education; he took his class very seriously. One day I was in Chemistry class conversing with my friend Jasmine while Mr. Friburger was giving a lecture. He asked me repeatedly to stop talking and pay attention; I laughed and started back talking with Jasmine like nothing was ever said to me; the words that came out his mouth went in one ear and out the other ear. Mr. Friburger then yelled at me annoyed and angry, “shut up or leave my classroom this instance” The classmates laughed at him and he told me to leave and report to the office; as I walked out he said “I’m sending a referral to the office.” I did not report to the office; I went to second lunch and saw some friends crowed around the bleachers.
I went to grab something to eat and decided that I wasn’t going to attend the rest of my classes. My friend Kayla came up to me and said, “You want to skip class and go get stoned?” Yes I replied, “Got to relieve some stress right now because my teacher just pissed me off.” I wanted to get out of this boring and lame school. Kayla got in her 2004 red Mustang, and started it up; she pulled off fast and sneaky so we wouldn’t get caught. I was driving behind the school getting high as a kite. I spotted a McDonalds. I order three burgers, two large fries, and two large drinks. I pulled up and paid for our food; as soon as I she gave us our food we was trying to bash it, so I pulled in a parking spot and starting eating. After we were done eating I realized that I had my last test in Chemistry worth hundred points; my grade was barely above a C. That day I made some terrible choices; I knew if I didn’t complete that test my grade was going to drop, but I went on doing me and did what I wanted to do.
I did not want to fail my class because it would have affected me not becoming a sophomore next year. What I did was going to my teacher Mr. Friburger the next day and apologizes for my wrong and asks for forgiveness. He responded, “I’m disappointed with your choices and actions because they don’t turn out well when you behave and disrupt my class while I’m trying to teach and develop your knowledge so that you can be successful in the future.” He said, “People make mistakes and life to learn from their actions but I’m proud of you for coming to me and owning up to what you did.” He suggested that I stay after and take the test to earn my hundred points that I missed. So I did and earned eighty percent on my test and my score moved my grade up to a B. Douglass remembers that every opportunity he got he took advantage of it to improve his ability to read. “I was now about twelve years old, and the thought of being a slave for life began to bear heavily upon my heart. Just about this time, I got hold of a book entitle, “The Columbian Orator”. Every opportunity I got, I used to read this book.” As a young woman at the age of fourteen, I related to him because in life I felt that every opportunity I had I took advantage of. For example, I had to take my test over; it was valuable to me because I knew if I took it and scored well I was passing the 9th grade.
I did a one eighty and realized what I was doing was going to lead me to destruction and down a bad trip to nowhere. Douglass remarks sorrowfully that he will be a slave for life because he’s owned by his evil slave master; but will hopefully be free in the future. The article implicates that Fredrick Douglass points out that, “You will be free as soon as you are twenty-one, but I am a slave for life! These words use to trouble them; they would express for me liveliest sympathy, and console me with the hope that something would occur by which I might be free.” Even though I never pushed myself as hard as I should to improve my own education, I still felt that I was a slave to the evil spirit because I did things I shouldn’t have done and I was not as knowledge as others students. I can relate to him because I was a slave of the devil. I was a slave to society because I choose to drink, smoke, curse, and was judgmental to people; you living sinfully can hurt you on judgment day. I always tell myself don’t be a slave to society but be a human-being with knowledge and skills of education. Douglass is a slave because he had no choice but today people do and I realize that.
I changed my life dramatically sophomore year. School was still difficult and temptation still hunted me; I had to look passed that and do better with my life because I had little brothers and sister that look up to me as a role model. I followed these steps that I still had until this day in my journal from years ago to be successful in school and staying on the right path. I avoided loosing friends that encourages me to do right and drop the ones who were doing negative things. I kept a smile on my face and didn’t act tough. I threw away all my clothes that reminded me of the old me and started changing on the new me. Old me use to drink, smoke, and lived sinfully. I didn’t become a nerd but I paid attention in class, did my homework and classwork, stay after if I didn’t understand something or asked the teacher, and kept my grades above a D. I was prepared in every class and organized. I didn’t smoke marijuana as much as I did and cut down on partying every day; I only partied on weekends where I didn’t have to worry about me having a hangover or not feeling well to attend school. I studied for test. I stopped skipping classes. I started to read a little more.
One thing I noticed about students was that they didn’t keep their cool but I did. I knew If I was to get stressed I would want to smoke right then and there; I kept my cool to maintain and focus on school. Douglass acknowledges that after a long period of years, he finally succeeded in learning how to write. “Thus, after a long, tedious effort for years, I finally succeeded in learning how to write.” I can relate to him because I finally succeeded in learning, improving my abilities, skills of learning and doing what I was supposed to do; I graduated from high school and went to college to further my education. He showed me that life is not always perfect; it’s challenging but helpful at the end of your goal. People need to understand nothing is going to be handed to you you have to go out and get it to be successful in life; our knowledge and ability of education is very powerful and beneficial in this world.
"Legendary Angel" by Student K.
From the time I was born until August 16, 2009, I loved someone I thought I could never have so much love for. Shevette C. Chamber, my mom’s best friend was more like a sister to her. They had been friends since the fourth grade. I was my moms’ only child, our bond was unbreakable, I cherished every moment I had with her. From getting Mani’s and Pedi’s and going shopping to being there to talk when she was stressed about bills. I couldn’t picture anyone taking my place in my mom’s heart.
At 36, my mom seemed to be more depressed than she’s ever been. On August 15, 2009, my mom went to Springfield to visit an aunt. With the funny and close relationship her and Shevette had, my mom jokingly implied that Shevette should stay home until she got back from Springfield. Shevette laughed and said “girl get off my phone, I’m grown”. At 3a.m my mom received a phone call saying that Shevette had been shot. Because of the screaming and yelling through the phone, with no hesitation, my mom instantly packed her bags and headed back home to St. Louis. I was home with my uncle just waking up. Before I could brush my teeth or shower I got a phone call from my mom around 6:30a.m.Because I was so young, she didn’t want to speak to me nor did she want to tell me why she was crying. I suspiciously handed my uncle the phone. I noticed the miserable look on his face so out of curiosity, I kept asking him to tell me why my mother was crying. With disbelief, he had told me that Shevette, my second mom, the one that held the family together, was shot. Before I could say anything my mom called back to tell us that she was pulling up outside of our house. I walked outside into the cold, misty morning dew to see my moms’ Silver Impala filled with many of her heart broken , supportive friends. I opened the car door to see my mom sitting in the back seat because she was so sad that she couldn’t drive. To this day I can still picture her puffy red, heavy, teary eyes.
My mom insisted that I stay home while she went to the hospital to see her. I impatiently waited at home until further notice. I called my mom constantly to see if she had heard anything, I didn’t get an answer. I got on Facebook to pass time and I logged in to see a “R.I.P Shevette” post from one of my childhood friends. Knowing that my mom was born dramatic, I didn’t bother to engage into the depression. I didn’t know that the incident was critical I thought that maybe the bullet had left a small wound and she was just going to the hospital to get stitched up. I didn’t want to believe what I just read so I called a few family members to see if they heard. Still, I received no answer. By that time I was getting worried. I sat in my room alone thinking about everything that I just witnessed, the early morning phone calls, the sad look on my uncles face, the intense sobbing, the Facebook post , the ignored phone calls. All the signs were there. It hit me. She was gone.
The beginning of my new life consisted of mourning, sorrow and unforgettable memories. After Shevette passed my mom felt as if she was obligated to take care of Shevette’s 3 children; Markeke, Markeyia and Markesean. Shevette was all they ever had. She loved her children unconditionally and was willing to do anything for them. Months after grieving, Markesean’s dad and my mom agreed that he was now stable enough take his son into his own care. Although, My mom loved Markesean like he was a child of her own, they both can agree that taking care of 1 out of the 3 was a weight lifted off of her shoulders. Markeke and Markeyia’s dads lived separate lives. No communication with them, no phone calls or visitations or anything. They had families of their own and focused on other things. They lived as if nothing ever happened. Douglass points out “I am strongly tempted to give the names of two or three of those little boys, as a testimonial of gratitude and affection I bear them; but prudence forbids; not that it would injure me but embarrass them.” Like Douglass, I too would rather not mention their names. Not that it would be harmful towards me but it would embarrass them.
It was hard for me to adjust to my new life. I was no longer the spoiled, only child, that got everything I wanted. I was forced to share my life with two other children. At 12 years old, I was the most selfish and self-centered person that I’ve ever known. I hated that I had to share my toys, I hated that I had to even share the same breath of air with them. I cried when I didn’t get my way, it was longer I “we can go here because you want to” it was “No, Kaniya we have all agree on something”. Like Douglass’s mistress, I was once kind hearted then suddenly one incident changed me completely. “When I went there, she was pious, warm, and tender-hearted woman. There was no room for sorrow or suffering for which she had not a tear. She had bread for the hungry, clothes for the naked, and comfort for ever mourner that came within her reach.” My selfish ways started to embarrass my mother’s character. Everything I did reflected my mother’s actions on how she raised me. I always dreamt of what it felt like to have siblings, I finally got a taste of my own medicine.
September 10, 2009 is when everyone began to notice my over dramatic selfish ways. September 7,2009 is Markeyia’s birthday , being that my mom was now her only provider, she wanted to make sure that Markeyia got the best gift she ever wanted ; a pink mountain bike. September 10,2009 was my 13th birthday, 3 days away from Markeyia’s. Markeyia got a pink bike so I figured that I would get something better. My mom pulled me into her room and explained that she couldn’t get me anything because she wanted to make sure Markeyia got everything she wished for. This was the 2nd worst day of my life; Douglass mentions “I found myself regretting my own existence, and wishing myself dead”. Like Douglass, I was eager for some information. He wanted to read and write and I wanted siblings. Again, like Douglass, I regret ever wishing for this.
2 years after the new adjustments something came over me. I surprisingly began to enjoy having siblings. I loved the company they brought and going through little things that siblings went through. It was August 2011, Markeke, Markeyia, my mom and I all went school shopping. While being in the car, we started to reminisce. We spoke about how much we missed Shevette and how life would be different. Conversations later, I was still thinking about her. I could still remember how she laughed when she saw my hair for crazy hair day at school. Her eyes were glossy and her smile lit up the room. Her hugs made me melt and her love had no limits. I started to think to myself, how I could treat people that I was once loved with some much hatred. I began thinking what it would be like if it was the other way around; if my mom passed and I lived with Shevette. I immediately smiled. Shevette was spontaneous and adventurous and so were her children. I knew her children would have never treated me how I treated them. I regret my actions and wishful thinking’s about not existing. I now treat everyone how I want to be treated regardless of their situation.
At 36, my mom seemed to be more depressed than she’s ever been. On August 15, 2009, my mom went to Springfield to visit an aunt. With the funny and close relationship her and Shevette had, my mom jokingly implied that Shevette should stay home until she got back from Springfield. Shevette laughed and said “girl get off my phone, I’m grown”. At 3a.m my mom received a phone call saying that Shevette had been shot. Because of the screaming and yelling through the phone, with no hesitation, my mom instantly packed her bags and headed back home to St. Louis. I was home with my uncle just waking up. Before I could brush my teeth or shower I got a phone call from my mom around 6:30a.m.Because I was so young, she didn’t want to speak to me nor did she want to tell me why she was crying. I suspiciously handed my uncle the phone. I noticed the miserable look on his face so out of curiosity, I kept asking him to tell me why my mother was crying. With disbelief, he had told me that Shevette, my second mom, the one that held the family together, was shot. Before I could say anything my mom called back to tell us that she was pulling up outside of our house. I walked outside into the cold, misty morning dew to see my moms’ Silver Impala filled with many of her heart broken , supportive friends. I opened the car door to see my mom sitting in the back seat because she was so sad that she couldn’t drive. To this day I can still picture her puffy red, heavy, teary eyes.
My mom insisted that I stay home while she went to the hospital to see her. I impatiently waited at home until further notice. I called my mom constantly to see if she had heard anything, I didn’t get an answer. I got on Facebook to pass time and I logged in to see a “R.I.P Shevette” post from one of my childhood friends. Knowing that my mom was born dramatic, I didn’t bother to engage into the depression. I didn’t know that the incident was critical I thought that maybe the bullet had left a small wound and she was just going to the hospital to get stitched up. I didn’t want to believe what I just read so I called a few family members to see if they heard. Still, I received no answer. By that time I was getting worried. I sat in my room alone thinking about everything that I just witnessed, the early morning phone calls, the sad look on my uncles face, the intense sobbing, the Facebook post , the ignored phone calls. All the signs were there. It hit me. She was gone.
The beginning of my new life consisted of mourning, sorrow and unforgettable memories. After Shevette passed my mom felt as if she was obligated to take care of Shevette’s 3 children; Markeke, Markeyia and Markesean. Shevette was all they ever had. She loved her children unconditionally and was willing to do anything for them. Months after grieving, Markesean’s dad and my mom agreed that he was now stable enough take his son into his own care. Although, My mom loved Markesean like he was a child of her own, they both can agree that taking care of 1 out of the 3 was a weight lifted off of her shoulders. Markeke and Markeyia’s dads lived separate lives. No communication with them, no phone calls or visitations or anything. They had families of their own and focused on other things. They lived as if nothing ever happened. Douglass points out “I am strongly tempted to give the names of two or three of those little boys, as a testimonial of gratitude and affection I bear them; but prudence forbids; not that it would injure me but embarrass them.” Like Douglass, I too would rather not mention their names. Not that it would be harmful towards me but it would embarrass them.
It was hard for me to adjust to my new life. I was no longer the spoiled, only child, that got everything I wanted. I was forced to share my life with two other children. At 12 years old, I was the most selfish and self-centered person that I’ve ever known. I hated that I had to share my toys, I hated that I had to even share the same breath of air with them. I cried when I didn’t get my way, it was longer I “we can go here because you want to” it was “No, Kaniya we have all agree on something”. Like Douglass’s mistress, I was once kind hearted then suddenly one incident changed me completely. “When I went there, she was pious, warm, and tender-hearted woman. There was no room for sorrow or suffering for which she had not a tear. She had bread for the hungry, clothes for the naked, and comfort for ever mourner that came within her reach.” My selfish ways started to embarrass my mother’s character. Everything I did reflected my mother’s actions on how she raised me. I always dreamt of what it felt like to have siblings, I finally got a taste of my own medicine.
September 10, 2009 is when everyone began to notice my over dramatic selfish ways. September 7,2009 is Markeyia’s birthday , being that my mom was now her only provider, she wanted to make sure that Markeyia got the best gift she ever wanted ; a pink mountain bike. September 10,2009 was my 13th birthday, 3 days away from Markeyia’s. Markeyia got a pink bike so I figured that I would get something better. My mom pulled me into her room and explained that she couldn’t get me anything because she wanted to make sure Markeyia got everything she wished for. This was the 2nd worst day of my life; Douglass mentions “I found myself regretting my own existence, and wishing myself dead”. Like Douglass, I was eager for some information. He wanted to read and write and I wanted siblings. Again, like Douglass, I regret ever wishing for this.
2 years after the new adjustments something came over me. I surprisingly began to enjoy having siblings. I loved the company they brought and going through little things that siblings went through. It was August 2011, Markeke, Markeyia, my mom and I all went school shopping. While being in the car, we started to reminisce. We spoke about how much we missed Shevette and how life would be different. Conversations later, I was still thinking about her. I could still remember how she laughed when she saw my hair for crazy hair day at school. Her eyes were glossy and her smile lit up the room. Her hugs made me melt and her love had no limits. I started to think to myself, how I could treat people that I was once loved with some much hatred. I began thinking what it would be like if it was the other way around; if my mom passed and I lived with Shevette. I immediately smiled. Shevette was spontaneous and adventurous and so were her children. I knew her children would have never treated me how I treated them. I regret my actions and wishful thinking’s about not existing. I now treat everyone how I want to be treated regardless of their situation.
Wednesday, July 9, 2014
"A Desiring College Student" by Warnae Whitehead
Charquisha Davis was born on August 21, 1994, in Saint Louis, MO. She has two younger siblings Chardae, eleven, Waiel, thirteen, and a daughter named Deaira Webb that’s six months. Furthermore, she graduated in May 2012 from Imagine College Prep High School. Quisha as friends and family called her enrolled at Forest Park Community College in spring 2014 and majoring in nursing.
To begin with, she attended Missouri College in 2013 for nursing and was thinking becoming an RN (Register Nurse). Her desire is to transfer to UMSL after two semesters and enroll in the nursing program. She stated, “I always wanted to be in the presence of hospitals and working firm to help others; it’s something I enjoy.” In addition, her dream career is to become a Mortician. That’s frightening and grosses me out cremating and embalming practices on decease remains. As a child, Quisha was always fascinated by the unloving industry and was curious as to what happens to people when they die. The excitement of an opened human body impresses her; it made her feel untouchable in a mysterious and a strange way.
Last semester, Charquisha had English 020 with me. We never really had a conversation often, but we spoke in small terms. She seemed like a laughable and pleasant person to be around when I observed her. Also, she was open and honest about her life; kind of the same way I am. I found out that we like to party, we like to shop, and we like to love family. For instance, one song that reminds me of her is “Beyoncé-Blue”, because it expresses her emotion, devotion, caring, loving, and heart for her baby girl. When she gave birth she found treasure of mother hood and adored the adventure and pleasure of her daughter. What I admired is when she told me that, “after giving birth she loses interest in everything including herself being second. My mom and her has desires in common because my mother always say you guys come first before money, relationships, shopping, and anything else that’s enjoyable in life; I live for you guys. I kind of started to get emotional writing this sentence because my mother is the most beautiful, complicated, hardworking, risk-taking, sacrificing, and loving person in the whole wide world. I wouldn’t ask God to replace her for any other woman to be my mom.
Charquisha liked spending most of her time caring for her daughter and partying when she can. I question her, would you rather be famous or rich. She quoted, “I’d rather be rich because money is more important than living a famous life. We both enjoy math because we like solving things and listing to Hip Hop and R & B. Qusiha thought people think of her as an outspoken and crazy person. Also, she said some may think she’s abnormal. I questioned her, if today was your last day what would you do? She responded, “I will spend my whole day having fun, reminiscing back on great times with family and my daughter”. Her comfortable appeal is not being shy but, chattering when meeting new people.
Charquisha is a role model for younger teens because she has goals and accomplishments set for the future. Her dedication to be successful and caring for her daughter is enough for me to proudly say that I’m proud of you for not giving up and following your goals. I am happy to say I met a new friend that’s honest and goofy just like me. Your daughter will be a great and smart young woman like her mother.
"The Growth of Jancison" by Kaniya Smotherman
Jancison had many friends growing up in the South of Mississippi. There are many different cultures there, which taught Jancison how to communicate with different groups of people. He grew up being called “Jane”, which he didn’t like very much, but after a while he learned to live with it. Jancison stated, “It is the best place in the world to learn about loss, love and life”.
Jancison went into depth about how rough life was without a father. Like Jancison, I too, was raised by a single mother. With having two parents you learn different values and different aspect of life. With one parent you are raised by only seeing only one view of things. Jancison explains what it’s like to have a single mother. “My dad left me when I was 2 so my mom and 2 brothers moved in with my grandparents”. After losing someone really close to him Jancison then turned to his aunt for advice and finances. He cared about his mother too but knowing how stressful it was raising three children, he didn’t want her to carry the burden. Being that Jancison Is a kind and strong-minded man, he takes his struggles and uses them to encourage his loved ones. Just when Jancison thought all the pain and suffering was over, he then, lost someone else who was close to him, his grandmother.
After going through so much pain Jancison got a chance to show someone else what it felt like to be loved. August 17, 2006, Alexander Bedwell was born. From the time he came out, it was love at first sight. 2008 his first words were “Da-Da”. Jancison loves his son. Besides being an athlete, Alexander is nothing like Jancison growing up. Alexander loves school and adores meeting new people. In addition, he loves learning and going on adventures with his dad. Jancison promised to always be there for his son. No child should ever go without a father. He promises to love Alexander forever.
Jancison was asked would he rather be rich or famous, He briefly explained that he would rather be famous to build a fan base. For a chance, he wants people to be able to look up to him. Not including his son, he finally wants to have the chance to inspire someone else. Most people who grow up with a single parent seeks attention usually from someone besides their parent. Jancison just wants support and people who’ll be there for him.
After all of his hard work and life lessons Jancison states that now he would like to just focus on starting his new life and being there for his son. Change is a part of maturity, sometimes you change naturally and sometimes someone or something is the reason you’ve changed. Alexander is Jancison’s reason for change. “This is now an introduction to my new life. Don’t know what’s behind the next door that I will open up but that’s the best part. As long as I have the ability to open that door is all that matters”.
Jancison went into depth about how rough life was without a father. Like Jancison, I too, was raised by a single mother. With having two parents you learn different values and different aspect of life. With one parent you are raised by only seeing only one view of things. Jancison explains what it’s like to have a single mother. “My dad left me when I was 2 so my mom and 2 brothers moved in with my grandparents”. After losing someone really close to him Jancison then turned to his aunt for advice and finances. He cared about his mother too but knowing how stressful it was raising three children, he didn’t want her to carry the burden. Being that Jancison Is a kind and strong-minded man, he takes his struggles and uses them to encourage his loved ones. Just when Jancison thought all the pain and suffering was over, he then, lost someone else who was close to him, his grandmother.
After going through so much pain Jancison got a chance to show someone else what it felt like to be loved. August 17, 2006, Alexander Bedwell was born. From the time he came out, it was love at first sight. 2008 his first words were “Da-Da”. Jancison loves his son. Besides being an athlete, Alexander is nothing like Jancison growing up. Alexander loves school and adores meeting new people. In addition, he loves learning and going on adventures with his dad. Jancison promised to always be there for his son. No child should ever go without a father. He promises to love Alexander forever.
Jancison was asked would he rather be rich or famous, He briefly explained that he would rather be famous to build a fan base. For a chance, he wants people to be able to look up to him. Not including his son, he finally wants to have the chance to inspire someone else. Most people who grow up with a single parent seeks attention usually from someone besides their parent. Jancison just wants support and people who’ll be there for him.
After all of his hard work and life lessons Jancison states that now he would like to just focus on starting his new life and being there for his son. Change is a part of maturity, sometimes you change naturally and sometimes someone or something is the reason you’ve changed. Alexander is Jancison’s reason for change. “This is now an introduction to my new life. Don’t know what’s behind the next door that I will open up but that’s the best part. As long as I have the ability to open that door is all that matters”.
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